The Most Amazing Woman
The most amazing woman contacted me today.
No, it wasn’t Oprah.
Or Beyoncé.
It was a writer.
Not Marilynne Robinson.
Oh, you’re never going to guess.
And that’s okay. I’m not writing this post to name-drop (though you likely haven’t heard of this writer anyway). I’m writing this post because someone I’ve idolized and respected for a year and a half actually deigned to reply to an email I sent her, and I’m totally starstruck.
But that’s a pretty detached, vanilla description of the whole experience. Here are the thrilling, enlightening, anxious, joyous details:
In March of 2020, the COVID pandemic had begun
I was living with my mother after leaving my job as a music therapist, and I had oodles of time on my hands and a brain that was desperate for exploration and novelty.
So, of course, I had the urge to read Harry Potter fanfiction (as one does). But not just any fanfiction – only those which starred my favorite Potter character: the most amazing, brilliant, no-nonsense, sharp-tongued, kick-ass Professor Minerva McGonagall.
I don’t believe I’ve stated this in previous blog posts (which is more than a little ridiculous because it is such a significant facet of my life), but I fall in love with older, powerful women who display most of the same characteristics as Minerva. There’s just something irresistible to me about the physical features, the behaviors, and the emotional and cognitive fortitude and sophistication of many women in their late 40s to early 70s (which I will elaborate upon further in a future post).
Interlude:
Oh, shit, no kidding, a GORGEOUS older woman just walked into the café in which I’m writing this entry. How poetic!
*swoons*
So, Minerva on my mind, I began my fic search. Happily, I discovered there was no shortage of relevant material.
Sadly, I discovered much of it is utter crap.
Until I found this writer
From, I think, the very first fic of hers, I was hooked. No, it was more than that. I was in love. Not with the writer, mind you, but with her McGonagall. A McGonagall who was somehow even more amazing, indomitable, brilliant, complex, temperamental, and downright hotter than the OG.
I mean, just imagine leveling up the most perfect, most attractive person you could imagine. Then imagine finding pages and pages of writing centering on that person. Wouldn’t you be in paradise?!
Well, I was, and still am, whenever I read this woman’s stories.
Surprisingly, though, indulging in this fanfiction became more than just reading about and spending time with my ideal woman. For in these stories, I read about her lesbian relationships. I read about her having sex with other women.
I read about her serious involvement with a notably younger woman.
In other words, I finally encountered the very relationship I’d been craving my whole life, and I finally realized that other people craved it as well.
I wasn’t the only one
In fact, this wonderful author writes openly in her bio that she is a lesbian who has always been attracted to older women.
For the first time in nearly three decades of life, my thoughts and feelings were reflected in another person! I no longer felt like the freak who kept falling in love with her much older, female teachers.
I finally felt normal.
My attraction to older women became just another form of human attraction.
And that’s mostly why I idolize and appreciate this writer so very much. She was the catalyst in my acceptance of what was unquestionably the deepest, darkest, most reviled part of my psyche. Her beautiful, nuanced, unapologetic writing is the reason I now celebrate my love of older women instead of feeling ashamed of it. She is the reason I have the courage to write this blog post and share it with the world.
But she also changed my life in another significant way
The more I read her fanfiction, the more her Minerva became imprinted upon my heart, mind, and subconscious. This Minerva consumed me. She was in my thoughts almost constantly. I couldn’t escape her, nor did I desire to.
And then gradually, subtly, she began to change. First, she became more physically attractive. McGonagall, in my revered author’s mind, is not a beautiful woman; her sharp, aged features are nothing of note.
The new creature in my head did not follow suit. The sharp features remained, but they became distinguished and stunning.
Similarly, my character’s clothing also morphed from sometime dowdy, sometime unremarkable to sophisticated, elegant, and chic. Robes became dresses and ensembles which clung flatteringly to a svelte, desirable figure.
Minerva’s profession and the knowledge in her head also developed. Transfiguration was abandoned in favor of more practical, and arguably less magical, subject matter.
Finally, the greatest change: the name. As much as I hate it, “Minerva McGonagall” belongs to J.K. Rowling. To truly call my character mine, she needed to be called something else.
And that reveal will come later 😉
Yes, from this dear writer’s imagination evolved one of the protagonists in my own story.
And with this reimagined character came the burning passion to write – a passion which I am proud to say I continue to feel in my very core.
If I ever become any kind of success, it will all be thanks to this author and her fanfiction.
But that’s not all!
Astoundingly, the positive influence of this woman on my life is even more far-reaching.
About a week ago, I somehow plucked up the courage to send her a message, stating much of what I’ve relayed here. My goal was simply to inform her of the good her stories had produced in my life and to express my gratitude. I didn’t expect a response back.
BUT I GOT ONE
She wrote back to me! This gay goddess of word and character motivation lowered herself enough to respond to my puny thoughts and admirations (she would hate that I’m glorifying her this much)! It was so exciting, I think I smiled for about an hour straight. I’m smiling just thinking about it now.
She was so lovely and kind and supportive and empathic. I couldn’t quite believe that a woman I’d made out to be a larger-than-life celebrity for so long was communicating with me as though she was just another person (which, of course, she is). We were just two lesbians talking about our similar experiences and feelings.
And then, a few days later, I had one of those random thoughts that seem to just drop into my head out of the blue. I had been yearning to find and join a writing community of lesbians and/or Harry Potter fans and realized my amazing writer acquaintance (Ah! She’s an acquaintance!) might very well be able to point me in the right direction.
So, I wrote her again, she responded again because she’s awesome, and she directed me to her very own community of writers, many of whom are older-woman-loving, Harry Potter fans like me!
So now, not only do I feel better about myself, not only do I have a story to write with a brilliant, powerful, independent, sexy protagonist, not only do I regularly correspond with the incredible writer who made it all happen, but I also have numerous friends who think and feel just like I do!
I tell ya, I am in such a happy place right now
I feel more loved, accepted, understood, and connected than I ever have in my adult life.
And all because of the most amazing woman, who I can now joyfully and gratefully call my friend.
Woohoo!
